Cloak

This translation was produced by AI from the original Greek text. The original work was written in Greek.

Contents

Scene 1

This cloak is heavy on me, it makes me bend.
It wraps my whole body, my head, my face,
goes in through my nostrils and my mouth and wraps
my heart, my mind and my soul.
No one put it on me, no, no,
I chose it. I knitted it stitch by stitch,
patiently, blind.
I chose the blackest thing I could squeeze out of myself,
the most harmful, dirty, vile thing, to make it
clothing.
A hide embroidered with nightmares and poison.
With it I wander among you,
I crawl behind corpses,
I talk with empty graves,
I sleep under rotten trees.

It works as a shield, to absorb whatever tries to come out,
an anechoic chamber that swallows my screams
and keeps them from the others.
A blur in my image, hiding well the cuts
of my self-punishment.
So I live every day, against my skin and inside me, with
my cloak.
But today I put it aside for a while,
to stand before you naked,
vulnerable,
a thing,
without detours and without delay, to reveal myself.

Figures stand beside me, coming from somewhere else,
the dead and the lost,
poets and whores,
my lost child clings to me,
my baby boy.
I feed these souls a little light to keep me company,
offer them dry wine,
almonds, wheat and pomegranate.
I see the door they pass through, I know it,
my love and my care are anchors,
growing weak and rusting from the tears.
Blue light fills the room,
a dry cold hardens the skin,
from here the final telling will begin.
It will be written in the book so it will not be forgotten.

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Scene 2

I watch people, it is a habit I have had since I was young.
I notice small, almost invisible details in the way they express themselves,
changes in the tone of their voice, changes in their eyes.
I look beyond their body, beyond their existence,
I move toward what is called light.
I do not do it on purpose, it comes on its own.
I do not need to have eye contact with them,
I feel it the way a mother feels her baby.

I sit at my desk one night and write,
a voice inside me whispers,
my limbs go numb, do not be afraid, I will not leave.
A great murmur rises in the room,
talk, words and a muffled cry.
Time changes, stops, stands still.
Across from me, your figure,
curled up in an armchair,
a song playing on the television,
someone in your kitchen is cooking for you.
You do not want me there,
I leave.

I pass through a metro station,
I stand beside a young man,
he is anxious.
He looks like me.
He carries a full bag,
his glasses crooked on his face,
his beard messy,
his stare still.
We get on the train together,
we sit side by side,
I smell the fear that is there,
I hear the thoughts of the world,
I cannot,
I leave.

I sit at my desk again, time has started chasing me again.
While we believe it moves ahead of us
for us it counts backward.
I think about my death, I hope it will be quiet,
in my sleep would be better.
I do not want to spread sadness, I want to rest quietly.
I start writing,
I write without stopping.
Thoughts like cursed snakes jump out of the pages,
words that rotted inside me,
thoughts I never said,
wants that died thirsty for life.

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Scene 3

I peel.
I take off the hides I wear so the real thing can be seen.
It is not smooth, it is not young.
Wrinkled, full of blisters and cuts.
Like a snake I shed my skin, to reveal myself here before you,
alone in the chorus of life's theatre.
I see disgust in your eyes,
I feel your hidden, mad joy,
you polished ones, you clean ones, you spotless ones.

Your eyes eat me, they go everywhere.
I do not care.
That is why I do it after all.
Come, my good people, those of you in the front row first,
you, my first love,
you, whose love I once was,
you, who used to call me your child,
come,
come closer,
look at me, admire me.

Look how much I have aged since I was eighteen,
look how well I became your antidote,
to the poison I ate from your hands.
Antidote,
what a beautiful word.
To be an antidote you need to come into contact with poison.
Come,
do not be shy. I am here, I am not going anywhere.
See how the fear of death stinks on me,
the hope I kill so you can live.

Do you want me to become a fool in this dance?
Would it please you if I fed the lions?
I have a better idea,
why not watch, right here, live, what it is like for a soul to melt?
There, my cloak is backstage,
I do not have it with me.
Nothing protects me.
Yes, please, give me those quick looks
that show hate and that you hide behind
your humanity.
Yes, please, say those bitter words
that you later cover with concern.

I know, my good people, that I am good,
I have a mouth but no voice.
I have a body to become your canvas,
a soul to feed your darkness.
I know, my good people, you are with me,
yes, you support me,
you always supported me.
And I, my good people, am with you too,
I saw and heard, but all of it fed me.

Here before the chorus, naked, humiliated,
I send my anger back to you.
I show you my teeth that I broke from grinding them
instead of using them to gnaw your bones.
I show you my nails that scratched my face
instead of yours.
I show you a man - God, how betrayed I feel,
how stupid I was to live with people.
The curtain falls, the scene closes, the actor gets ready
for the fourth scene.

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Scene 4

There is a strange silence here,
the dialogue has not started yet.
Heavy smells of cigarettes have filled the air,
alcohol that had been closed for years
and a feeling of panic.

The chairs around me are empty,
the orchestra has left its instruments.
Holes made by acid gape in the floor,
and the mirror has gone dull on this wall.
Dust has taken over everything.
I draw a circle on the floor and sit inside it.

I do not remember how they brought me here,
the baby's cry comes from the distance.
The cry the world never got to hear,
that I never got to soothe.
The cry.
My own cry.

Beings move around me, crawling everywhere.
Red eyes,
sharp black teeth,
tails,
scales,
forked tongues.
They speak with a human voice,
they ask for a favor.

Upstairs music is playing,
an old French song,
la la la, I cannot make it out well.
A favor.
Step out of the circle, dance with us,
live with us.
A mad laugh takes hold of them,
they bite their own bodies.

Come out, you fucking son,
come out and dance your dance.
Come with us to the threshing ground of your soul,
you will be filled with wealth, glory and joy.
Come out and let us show what we are,
how far we can go.
Let us drip acid and poison into our eyes.
Come out, you fucker.

I close my eyes, a call to my ancestors.
A call to what is inside me,
take me away from here,
take me back.
Angel with the flaming sword,
and the golden robe,
hold me tight.
Today smells like slaughter.

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Scene 5

I have thought about my death many times,
in different versions,
with the right lighting
and the exaggerations.
I have seen myself old and leaving quietly,
young, struck by some illness,
a man in despair who takes his own life.
I have seen them all, played them all in my mind.

Many nights before I sleep I think of nooses,
other times I think it would be better to leave,
to disappear.
My mind returns to people I consider close to me
even though they have placed me inside a metal box,
with a note carved on it,
do not open.

I wonder how they will take the loss,
they may cry,
they may hurt,
now and then someone may remember me.
But time is here to give its medicine,
and quietly each person can sleep at night.
I do not want to plant pain,
I wanted love and joy.

Sometimes I get angry with myself,
I grow bitter with everyone,
I chew over the things I believe are unfair to me.
I shout and answer in imagined conversations,
I replay the scene with different answers.
In the end I understand,
I was the mistake.

There are no steps back anymore,
it is not something to discuss.
Whatever I am clinging to in my mind
has to die in real life.
I do not regret myself, wrong choices are allowed,
I regret that we turn the mistake into gospel,
and pray for what is crooked to become straight.

You know,
I loved life very much, I still love it.
I want to drink in every part of it,
to say everything that made me ashamed.
You know,
I fell in love and I was marked, I would not change it,
maybe I did not give what they asked for
but I gave everything extra I had.
You know,
my little self, I will tell you what they never told you,
I am proud of you,
I love you.

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Scene 6

Moon, save me,
pull me out of this well,
my nails are still stuck in the walls,
how many times I struggled to climb it,
how many times I fell.

Moon, save me,
throw me a ray of light to hold on to,
like a wild horse, let it pull me out,
galloping away from here.
Why should you be only for lovers?

Moon, save me,
give me a little of your light.
Send some of your dust down here,
keep me a little company, for fuck's sake.
Moon, do not forget me,
when you pass here full.

A call to the moon, because for me it is the thing
we all share as human beings.
It is something that, everywhere on Earth,
when we lift our eyes to the sky,
we see.
It is like I see you too.

There have been times when I do not care about what is around me,
I look beyond the horizon.
Other times a madness takes hold of me,
a madness to destroy myself,
with drink, food, cigarettes or exhaustion.
I punish myself in a way no person would dare
to punish another person.

These texts are my punishment.
To come out here before you without defenses,
without a cloak.
Let your absence cost me,
let your mockery bend me,
thank you for that.

Mad, you will say,
he has lost it,
trying too hard on purpose,
an attention whore,
you will find beautiful words to decorate me with.
Inside this clean madness of mine,
how pointless everything we struggle for seems to me,

We spend energy just so we can say it,
we did something today too.
There, today we did something too.
My days are not lonely,
I no longer keep leaves of hope,
nor do I grow expectations.
Now I exist like a hermit,
a hermit of shame.

But why do you not reward me? Do you not want me to be your monkey?
Did you not come here, to this place,
to greedily see what is hidden underneath?
Are you not here? On this line, in this word?
Well then, here I am too.
We met.
Arm your hand and strike the flesh,
do not pretend you are sorry,
you are not.

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Scene 7

I was very jealous,
jealous for whole weeks.
I mourned my jealousy.
Hidden inside my cloak I watched the others.
I watched you laugh,
talk lightly,
let them touch you,
accept them,
and I was jealous.

I cursed my bad luck,
I was angry at my own foolish courage,
I cursed their luck.
To want and not have,
I cried for months.
I tried to forget,
to cut away everything that reminded me of you,
to hate everything I loved,
to stop caring.

You can clearly see the attempts on me,
the cloak no longer covers me.
See this piece missing from my heart,
I bit it off with my teeth.
See the missing eyes,
I pulled them out with nails.
I entered my mind through my temples,
with screwdrivers and pliers.
I cut, tore and threw away anything that carried her name,
I showed myself no mercy.
While I did all this I smiled at you.
I smiled and spoke to you while I chewed my heart.
I said good morning to you with my hands full of blood.

When I laughed loudly it was to hide the pain,
the pain of cutting pieces from your own soul.
I laughed until I cried, to confuse you,
to hide from you because I was putting out my light.
I spoke sweet words so you would not taste the bitterness
in my mouth. When I spat out my teeth,
I sang to you.
I bit my tongue so hard that I cut it off,
in its place I put a nettle, to remind me
of the punishment of thought.

Look at my legs, the cloak does not hide them anymore.
I broke them.
I punished them because they did not take the steps I wanted,
but the steps they had to take.
Look at my hands. Here they are before you.
I cut them into strips so they would never hold anyone again.
Come, all of you,
come and see them.
Mock me from your place above me,
you taught me to be a step,
a step I will become.

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Scene 8

Enough about me, let us take a break
and talk about you.
I know you do not want to talk, but allow me,
your noble excellencies,
people of status and steady words,
allow my humble self to speak
with humble words.

I am standing across from you, look,
I hide nothing.
Whatever I tell you, I look you in the eyes,
and I will try to make my words
feel like a gentle touch.

How beautiful and bright you all are,
educated, refined, full of empathy.
I admire your manners.
Your humor, your support and your sharp sense.
You want to spread good along your road,
to give your help freely,
to honor people and equality,
understanding is your nobility.
What sensitivity I see, what grace.

But when you meet each other,
your teeth chatter,
your nails sharpen.
You move quietly among us,
you find parasites,
and crush them with force. Golden rules
you wave in your hand,
"with us or the enemy," you decide
each person's fate.

Whatever you do not like, you drown, deep in life's swamp
you bury it.
Whatever does not obey you, you destroy, and on its ashes
you rise.
You always come quietly, you strike with hate, you strike with force.
You leave nothing behind that looks alive.
Then you smile, welcome people, joke, and cry about
your unlucky life.

You build circles of flatterers, you keep a file on everyone,
you remember the past.
Documents are always holy objects to you,
you support people, as long as they belong to your circle.
Flatterers and filth, spit and perfume,
these are the things you ask for.
From a place of power, with your own problems solved, you
judge everyone.

You judged me too.
You watched me, filtered me, cut me into pieces.
You violated me,
stepped on me,
spat on me,
hanged me,
destroyed me.
But that was my mistake.

But what am I saying now? Forgive me, masters.
How bright you look inside all this blood,
my righteous shepherds.

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Scene 9

Good evening, my dear ones, take your seats
so the show can begin.
Here we are again, all together, the object of your desire,
me, standing up on the stage.
I see the impatience on your faces,
your interest has been stirred,
as if we are ready for another sacrifice.

The tongues have gone quiet, you wait for news from me,
today we will start with something that is right in front of you,
but keeps slipping past you.
No, madam, I am not talking about your nose,
no, sir, I am not talking about your platter.
I have three tables up here, you can all see them.

On the first table I will place my thoughts,
on the second your actions,
on the third my dust.

Black, sharp, badly shaped objects,
blades and tongues of fire I lay down.
Watch how I pull them out of myself one by one
and place them down with care.
Here is a dark thought about my death,
with a flame inside it that is my final clothing.
Ash surrounds it, and a simple jar,
with big letters saying that I am inside.
Now I will place before you my anxiety,
the fuel of my thoughts.
It is still beating, look carefully. It cannot breathe, but it does not die,
it always gets a little oxygen to keep going.

The thought of love, the hardest one to pull out,
may cut away a little soul.
We do not mind that, as long as you are entertained.
Let me tear open my chest,
go under the fat,
open my ribs,
I do not need to be careful.
I feel something,
it slips,
I found it,
I pull love out.
Does it not look miserable?
Thin and starved.
But look.
What does it carry on it? Fantasies, tension,
experimentation.

Let us move a little further, let us go to my image,
you know this one, you can see it,
without the cloak it is now clear before you.
Here is the thought of loneliness,
here is the thought of love,
here is the thought of the lost.
Memories and thoughts mix together like a mixture.
Here is the guilt, there is a lot of it, heavy, the table will hold.
Here are my thoughts about each of you,
I will put these a little farther away,
so the others do not dirty them.
These are clean, well hidden, sealed shut.

I am tired, my good people, allow me a break.
Let me continue in a while.
My inside is empty,
leave me alone.
I will be here again, at your command,
a toy in your hands,
a release.

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Scene 10

Back on the stage, with a bow
deep, to say thank you.
How generous of you to give me time
to pull myself together.

I will not keep you long,
on the table of your actions I spread
a linen cloth,
with care, to show your actions.
Actions as I lived them,
as they touched me.
I do not claim to know your intent,
at least not always.

Mom, Dad, come closer.
You will have the honor of going first. Here I will show you
what exists in this body.
Thank you for everything, truly.
You gave safety, joy, happiness.
You tried to silence your own demons,
even when you could not,
I do not hold it against you.
Yes, there may have been pain beside all the good,
many times you may have filled me with fear.
I may have felt injustice,
too much responsibility and, sometimes,
the childhood I lost.
I know.
That is how you were taught, that is what you did.
You changed many things, but not from the root.
It is all right, we learned life together,
but forgive me,
with me, this has to stop.

My loves, my lovers, come.
I have served your share, it will be like a film.
Here there was once untouched white snow,
here where you now see mud,
stains of blood,
confusion, storm.
Do not be afraid,
my defenses were always down for you,
walk all over me, cut whatever you like,
burn whatever you do not want.
Dress me in lies,
say and show how small I am,
how right you are.
And I am with you too,
together we will hate me,
we will burn me, melt me.
Let me be the first to do it.

Come, all the rest of you, come up and look closely.
Admire what is on the table.
Everything is open, try it.
I have the tools of your actions here too,
words,
messages,
songs,
clubs,
chains,
promises.
I will stay still,
I will smile at you.
Come, my good people, do not hesitate,
someone was always better,
someone was always without mistakes,
someone was always the one.
Come,
show me how much you love me,
look, the table calls you.

My dear ones,
you hurt this body and this soul.
You marked it forever.
You made it trust you and then you struck it
with rage.
My dear ones,
I hold you with the love I have for you,
it did not dry up,
it did not vanish,
it did not go out.
It was not what you meant to do.

Let us get ready for the final table.

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Scene 11

On this final table,
I placed my dust, the dust that became sand inside me,
buried me,
cut me off,
weighed me down,
kept me alive.
Handful by handful I emptied it here,
not to give it to you as a gift.
How could I dare offer you something so poor?

You will watch me scatter it in the wind,
each grain separating from the others,
reaching every corner of the Earth.
It will reach peaks,
untouched forests,
depths where darkness rules,
roads,
furniture,
sewers and rivers.
It will become an embrace for the whole world.

What this dust is and how I made it,
I imagine you will find interesting.
This dust is every word you said to me,
every letter you wrote to me,
every act you did to me,
this dust is the ash of my purest feelings.
I sacrificed, and I still sacrifice, I say it with love,
pieces of myself so you can feel well.

I become your best adviser,
your lover,
your beloved brother,
your friend,
your partner,
because I know my emptiness and I know that
no one ever tried to hold it.
This body,
this heart,
this mind,
we decided we would not do the same harm.

I became a deep well, so you could empty into it whatever
you wanted.
Truly, I took it all with joy.
The cloak held me tight, hid my unrest,
my needs, my wants, my I love yous.
All of these changed inside me,
blades broke them down,
I made them easy to digest,
I have ground them in my mind for years,
I turn them into dust,
I place them here before you,
here on the final table lies the I love you.

But let us get ready, time is passing,
we are halfway there,
we still have much to say,
or rather, much for me to say and for you to enjoy.
Let us move to the next scene.

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Scene 12

The voices of lost people still sound in my mind.
A strange connection connects me to death,
not as if there is life after death, but as if everything is color.
There are days when I talk with them,
a very lively conversation happens inside my head.
I become familiar with an idea.

Now that the cloak is not against my skin,
here before you I can reveal, in one word,
what rules me, and that is fear.
I am afraid to speak to you,
I am afraid to try,
I am afraid to live,
I am afraid.

I talk with the voices for hours, for days, about fear,
I search for a little light to draw from,
a little strength, to put out the pain.
I am very afraid,
when I stand before you I am afraid,
when I speak to you I am afraid.

I learned to move inside this fear,
to slip through it.
The more I escape it, the heavier
it makes what is inside me.
But I keep going, damn it.
I take the risk.

I opened up, I told you, I am still telling you now,
I strip myself bare.
It is not easy, please believe me,
it takes effort.
It takes effort to drag myself out of this well,
it takes pain to stand upright,
it takes time to breathe.

As I told you, I travel beside you,
I close my eyes and see you,
I come to give strength,
to become for a while the air you breathe,
and then leave again.

Yellow clothes, brown armchairs, dark walls,
cigarettes, ashtrays, books, pencils, clothes to iron.
I feel everything.
Monologues that must not be heard,
tears that wet pillows.

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Scene 13

You do not need to feel sorry, if you do,
or to feel sad.
They were my choices and that is why I show them to you.
Among my most unspoken thoughts was another person's life.
A different life, with different choices,
different paths, different dreams.

It is like a stubborn fly inside my mind,
going in circles and asking "what if"?
What if I had not chosen to be patient,
what if I had not chosen to shut myself inside,
what if I had not chosen to go back,
what if I had chosen to follow myself.

What is inside me beats, screams, tears itself apart,
but the cloak is there, a guardian angel,
so nothing can be seen.
How many times did I fall asleep thinking
that I was someone else,
someone with a different home,
many pets,
love and desire in his life.

The only thing that stays the same through all this
change,
the only thing that never changes,
the only thing that will never change,
is my three little angels.

At the time of decisions I stay silent.
A statue with blood, flesh and bones.
A short show today, companions,
a great pleasure for you.

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Scene 14

A chair in the middle of the stage,
its back turned to the audience.
A coat stand a few meters away,
an iron tree covered in dust.

The audience watches the stage in silence,
it is not time for blood yet.
Steps sound on the wooden floor,
a black cloak carries me onto the stage.

I place it gently on the coat stand,
my eyes fixed on the floor.
I walk to the chair, sit down gently,
it is not comfortable, my back to the audience, a breath, I begin.

I feel your eyes, arrows in my back,
your breath held, your hands restless.
I hear your thoughts, you are pleased by my mistakes,
I smell your hunger for the deepest secrets.

I feel you hungry, my dear ones,
in a hurry for today's revelation.
I am glad you have started to get used to my face.
And yet, just as you got used to it, today I came
and turned my back on you.
It has nothing to do with you, honored audience,
but with what I am going to say.

I added a few touches to the scene,
a chair, a coat stand, I entered wearing the black cloak.
It was not to draw attention,
I think today I will need to run quickly,
to wrap myself in it.
To let it squeeze me, so I can stand.

Today you will learn a secret,
not a guilty one.
I will tell you something I draw strength from,
a child's shoe.
The first and only pair
I bought for the baby boy
who never saw the light.
I always keep it close,
to remind me to keep going.

I also have two little toys with me,
gifts from the little ones.
"Good luck, Dad, take them so you remember us,
when you rest at the office."
I always keep them in front of my eyes,
and now it is as if I can see them.

I also carry memories of many of you,
small things,
almost nothing,
where I locked whole memories,
so I can carry them inside me.
A key ring on a bag,
a word on skin,
a coffee mug,
a laugh,
a smile,
the goodbye,
the maybe,
the whys.

That is why my back is turned, I do not need to look at you,
I always see you.
I know exactly the faces you make when you hear these words,
I hear your thoughts,
how uncomfortable you feel.
Tomorrow a new age will begin, my lords,
tomorrow you will see an untouched garden.
Not today, tomorrow.

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Scene 15

A monologue that seems to last a long time,
an embrace that lasted only a little.
A shy kiss drowned by silence,
and so once again, here I am on the stage.

I no longer see empty seats,
the place is packed.
Ready then for a new act?
I am not ready, but I will serve its purpose.

Welcome, my audience that loves to watch,
welcome to this cold.
Today I ask for your acceptance,
maybe at the end, one sweet word.

There are many walks and mazes
inside my mind where I can hide.
Unexplored paths,
dark corners.

Today I will enter them with you,
without a thread to promise me safety.
You will watch me from above,
like a mouse on a wheel.

I will describe the images to you,
I will leave my eyes on the stage,
two large mirrors for you to see through.
My dear ones, today will be hard for me,
which means entertainment for you.

I am at the entrance of a maze,
there is no sign, of course there is not.
Bushes rise toward the gray sky,
I cannot see far ahead.

The path looks wild, full of mud,
like a swamp.
I am going in, my dear ones, it is cold.
Silence, no living voice can be heard.

First turn, first ruin.
A great need rises before me.
Be right, be patient.
It cracks bones, silences voices.

All my wants are there, gathered,
my nails have scratched them raw.
Full of blood, blood that writes understanding,
full of ears and sealed mouths.

I open it, I pass through it.
I stick to the ground, I cannot move.
Swamp and stench.
Do you see this substance?

There is something human in it, something familiar.
It must be tears.
I know them, tears cried in secret.
Like a lake, a sea, a storm.

With every step I leave a little flesh behind,
the muscles and nerves can be seen.
I use all my strength to get out of there,
to move on.

Let me rest for a little while.
I hurt.
A few breaths so I can keep going.
I can see what comes next.
A hole,
a gap,
without a bottom.
A break, my dear ones.

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Scene 16

Come on, my beloved ones, God was never by my side,
the hands that held me let me go.
Come on, my beloved ones, let us keep going,
the road is getting narrow, I have to crawl,
to get through here.

Thorns now surround the path,
steel thorns,
they cut.
I crawl, do you see how they carve lines
into my back?
On every thorn, a day,
coming to remind me of something from you.

My dear ones, things are hard,
cold and damp are coming.
I came out of the narrow place, but behind me
I left something of myself.
Crushed pieces of flesh hang from the branches.
Breathe, breathe, and we move on.

This maze is alive,
it reads me, my good people, as you can see.
It breathes on me, it is my mind,
it gives me pain,
it gives me joy in small doses to keep me
alive.

It has kept gardens inside this ruin,
with the names of beautiful memories,
with bright flowers,
with trees that give shade,
clear running water like your laugh.
Deep, quiet lakes
like your eyes.

It does not let me enter these gardens easily,
it keeps them behind obstacles and fog.
I fight to crawl into them,
so every visit
has a cost.
Come, my good people, see them.

Trample through the gardens,
cut the fruit,
step on the plants.
Come, do not be shy,
do not hold back your rage.
Set fire to them,
from one end to the other.

Leave scorched earth behind you,
make the ground barren.
Where the trees stood,
pull them out by the roots.
You planted them, you cared for them,
you have the right.

I will warm myself by this fire,
I will hold it,
I will wear it proudly.
I show you the road to destruction,
I call you toward your release,
feel important.

How many times was I not the weight,
how many times did I not offer you bitterness,
how many times did I not give you sadness.
Now it is your turn,
here,
in this maze,
behind enemy lines,
one command,
destroy.

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Scene 17

Destroy me with that shine in your eyes,
the shine of destruction,
destroy me with that mad joy,
the joy of destruction.
Destroy, break, tear,
do not feel sorry.

Here at the edge I sit, a dummy,
without a will.
But what am I telling you, my dear ones,
what am I advising you to do,
forgive me,
I am the one on the stage.
Why should I tire you.

Come, gather around, let me speak to you,
come, let me show you.
We are about to reach the center of the
maze.
My greatest fear,
I can see that this promise excites you.

It is a stone platform, rectangular.
It is about one meter high, roots have
covered it.
Above it floats a sphere, white, bright!
It looks beautiful, oh God, how beautiful!
Come closer, touch it, do not be afraid, it is my own
deep fear.

Look how it throws lightning,
I cannot come close,
I cannot bear it.
But you can, come, look.
See what the fear of being loved looks like,
what the fear of acceptance looks like,
how it gives off loneliness.

Is all this not impressive?
Does it not make you want to see
what it can do?
Pull me close to it.
Tie me with ropes and chains,
drag me toward it.

I cannot go near it on my own.
Look at the foam in my mouth,
how my jaws cut my tongue,
how my teeth chatter,
how I scream like a wounded animal.
Entertaining.

Pull me until I touch it,
so you can watch it melt my flesh,
see how it builds the maze around me,
oh great helpers,
how much I love you,
how much I thank you.

Hold this sphere in your arms,
it is the least you can do.

Get ready, we will go deeper,
into dark paths.
Get ready, I promise you now it will
become even more interesting.
I love you.

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Scene 18

On this walk, into the depths of my soul,
I will be your guide and your guard.
I will keep you safe, protected.

I have never gone this far down either,
I do not know what we will meet on the way.
I will be first and last in the line.

Come, my good people, get up from your seats,
come onto the stage.
Make a circle around me so we can pass through together.

Do you feel that we are floating between stars and dust,
we will enter the cloud of my life,
mixed images come at us like comets.

I hear voices, laughter, crying, promises.
I hear you speak to me, I see myself speak to you,
I feel you touch me.

Images of a walk hand in hand, of a broken bicycle,
of a glass of beer, a plate of food.
Harsh light and darkness everywhere.

It is like a trip through time when time is missing.
Frames from my life, the one that passed, the one now,
the one that will come.

Come, let us stand firmly and move on,
let us see what is there.
Walk through these strings hanging down,
step on the linen dreams,
do not be afraid.

Look at so many half-built houses,
some only foundations, some halfway done,
a city with nothing complete,
a city full of ruins.

Here, in the ruins, all my fears hide like reptiles.
They live in holes, they come out every night
for the share that belongs to them.

Look further down, my ships,
all on dry land,
given to the flames.

A sad river runs through this ruin,
toys and books float,
letters and poems sink.

Come, come! We are running out of time,
let us go where there is love, light and warmth,
a child bent over a notebook.

A smile drawn on the paper,
bright colors dance around the child,
someone calls from far away.

Let us go back, companions,
pass by the demons,
come out unharmed onto the stage,
tomorrow again we will live far from one another.

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Scene 19

Curtain opens,
lights on me,
there is no applause.
I look you in the eyes,
one by one.
Beloved,
forgotten,
distant faces.

We have come a long way together,
in this act.
We still have a long way to go.
Each time it gets harder
to pull it out of me.
I scrape and break defenses built over years.
I use every crack in them
to destroy them,
so they fall as dust at your feet.

I am sorry if I tired you, it was not what I meant to do.

For years I have been sunk in this sadness,
I try to shake it off me,
to give myself the force to break my chains.
For years I sank into this spiral of despair,
I pay the price every day.
I hurt people,
pushed people away,
tired them,
disgusted them,
frightened them.

A piece of it was loaded onto other souls, they vomited it out.
They were right.
Loneliness became my god.
I disappointed,
made bitter,
made sad,
left marks.

As much as I can, as much as I can, I push it away,
I try to hold myself before you,
a transparent shadow.
I ask for your forgiveness,
your acceptance.
I humbly ask for your understanding.

Even if you cannot give these things,
I understand,
the way thirsty earth understands
the first drop of rain.
I understand that I wrote on you,
with ink that cannot be seen but marks forever.

Every step I take is an attempt
to drag the anchors that have hooked themselves
with steel hooks into my skin.
The last of us, a source of strength,
a light.

Many times I feel like a moth,
dazed by the full moon
and trying to reach it.
Frozen, exhausted, it falls back to the earth,
but with a desire greater than itself,
with a dream that was worth it.

I am sorry.

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Scene 20

Good evening, I welcome you again today.
Everyone comfortable in your seats.
I do not know about you, but I welcome you with joy,
every time something changes.
I am taking shape now,
I am becoming human.

I do not crawl blindly from place to place,
I know what my shape is.
Today, my dear ones, we will see another side,
something different.
Today, my beloved ones, together we will see
joy.

Yes, you heard right, joy.
How I enjoy the surprise in your eyes,
no, I will not disappoint you.
Believe me, it will be interesting.
We will scrape the walls of the soul to find
that rare mineral, joy.

Come, my good people, look at what I have for you on the stage:
picks, knives, hammers, drills.
All right, we may get a little dusty, maybe even
dirty, but we will find something.

What do you say? Shall we begin? Let us go.
We are not in a mine, or in some closed,
confusing place.
We are on a wide beach,
a sea is beside us,
the waves are calm,
the water green-blue.

See how comfortable I feel,
as if I am somewhere safe.
Yes, my dear ones, I am, I am in my shelter.
Forgive me,
you are right,
I need to explain it.

Every grain of sand is a pleasant moment,
endless, as you can see,
but every one counted by me,
more than once.
Kept with care.
The sea is my thoughts,
the beautiful ones,
the quiet ones,
the sweet ones.

Come, let us dig in the sand,
let us see what it hides,
oh yes! it hides something!
Here, a child's toy,
I had asked for it when I was five,
how happy I am.
Is this little car not beautiful?
In my time it mattered.

Let us go farther.
Buried toys, books that kept me company,
photographs,
memories of people,
memories,
ah, there is my first kiss.

Children's clothes farther on,
baby clothes,
sweet words,
the first time I heard "you are beautiful,"
my pets.
Give me a minute,
it is hard to see through the tears.

The place is full,
the heart is full.
Nothing is buried here,
here it is kept and protected,
here it warms the soul,
here is joy.

Walk, my lords, walk with me,
but this time,
please,
I beg you,
I plead with you,
be gentle.

Thank you.

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Scene 21

A deep bow.
A wide smile.
Cold eyes.

Let today's show begin,
we will go to a magical land.
Here, my dear ones, sadness has no place,
here there is only faith.
I believe, and you believe, that we will come out strong
from this scene.

Today, my noble ones, I will tell you
a story.
Allow me to walk from one end to the other,
I will leave you with no question.

My dear ones, all these days up here, what do you see?
What are you living through?
You are living through a transformation.
You enter hidden places,
I gladly feed every hunger of yours.
Is this something that should upset you?
Of course not.
I offer it to you with joy.

The story I want to tell
is again about me, how selfish.
I am a person who looks more inside himself,
my eyes are turned toward me.
As if I were the center of the world.
But that is not the reason.
I am my own guard,
I am my own prisoner,
my sleepless watchman.
I control myself,
I limit myself,
I correct myself.

I am my own pimp,
and my soul is the whore.
I am my own rapist,
and my heart is an object of pleasure.
I feed on my own flesh,
I chew sadness again and again,
I do not want to lose any of its bitterness.

Here,
on the stage,
with raw images,
with hard words,
I removed my skin,
then my nerves,
my muscles,
broke my bones,
spread my guts like a carpet for you,
to see what is there, if anything is there.

I pierced,
searched,
cut,
opened,
every pore,
every corner,
to find
and place before you
whatever I have.

A little or a lot,
I made you live through a horror with me,
a hard experiment.
Now when I wear the cloak it squeezes me,
it no longer protects me completely.
There are losses.

Inside all this darkness,
this sadness,
this disgusting show,
beautiful conclusions appear.
I see that there is something alive,
bright,
that I have to protect myself,
to become a white cloak,
to make it stronger.

I see you,
I understand your thoughts.
Oh yes, I read them,
I always read them.
You are with me,
not from curiosity,
but from love.
Love, often not for me,
you do not know me,
maybe now you are learning me,
but love for the ideal.
Love,
pure,
free,
alive,
that makes you breathe.

You can, my dear ones,
fly.
You can, my loves,
live.
I am proud of you,
you endure my darkness,
even for a little while,
it is enough.

My dear ones,
let us go to the curtain.

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Scene 22

Every scene another slaughter,
now I stand transparent before you.
You learned everything,
I learned with you too.

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Extra

There is light because my presence in the darkest places
was the rays that had never reached them before.
There is light because now I am transparent,
nothing stops it anymore from reaching every corner.

There is light because I opened my eyes,
I loosened the pain, released it.
So much light does not need to be wasted,
it will feed flowers, animals and dreams.

It warms the barren ground of the soul,
like a mother's touch on the cheek,
like a lover's good morning.
A waterfall of light.

There is light because I cleared my sight,
colors flooded life.

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13/8/2024-13/08/2026